#(Sans' is a finicky muse)

[asksoldieron]

X-1: Meet the Cast, and the Roll-A-Dance, and this here new, modified engagement function!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand. (This accidentally went live on the wrong blog for a sec, I bet I'll do that a lot!)

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for Meet the Roll-A-Dance (X-1) an extra! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

This was a cute way to reintroduce the cast and transition into the timeskip after finishing up Tin Soldier and taking a long break. Erik's almost twelve in this one. When we see him again, he'll be nineteen, but he doesn't know it yet.

Barnaby's gone and there are a few new main characters who aren't there yet, but the plot goes on! If you wanted to check and see if you like this world, these people, and how I write about 'em, this is a good place to start.

I posted this February 17th, after being more-or-less absent for a year, as proof of life! Tin Soldier's actual anniversary is on April 9th. Technically, I started Tin Soldier very late on the 8th, but the clock switched over while I was putting the pilot up. I tried to stick to 12:01 AM from then on, but I screwed up a few times. (I simplified the time codes and cleaned up some mistakes after moving the site. Shh! Don't tell!) We'll call October 3rd Soldier On's birthday. Three excuses to put up extra content and party!

This one has a lot of band organ music in it, which I love. Those things make old school digital music. Music boxes are even older, and I love them too, but band organs are way more fun to watch.

On the way up from the States, I got to visit the Musee Mechanique in San Francisco and see a lot of both, and player-pianos, too! They had a BIG band organ behind glass that played the Beatles. I was in heaven.

I also got to see a transitional machine. Band organs and player pianos run ye olde MIDI files on punched paper rolls. Music boxes have a metal roll with itty-bitty bumps that plucks a tiny metal harp. How did we get from one to the other? A punched roll made of either very tough paper or wood that physically lifted the keys that play the instruments as it scrolled! Each key had a hook on it that would catch the holes in the roll and strike a note or an instrument. From metal harp to wooden keys to a pneumatic pump system that blows air through the holes!

Unlike the DDR we know, Roll-A-Dances have a mechanical dance pad instead of a digital one. They're slower, with nothing faster than 1/8 steps, so you don't foul the typewriter-like keys. I bet the early ones had the pneumatic input hooked up to the dance pad, and that would've been even slower. The one the household is playing with has a bellows in there, and needs magic and electricity. It's faster, but it's finicky!

We'll see the Roll-A-Dance again. Milo just loves it. You can't tell from his expression, but I gave you his joy in the coloured "light". I decided Milo should not be required to smile for you readers at home to know he's happy.

My music references, available on YouTube, are: A fairground organ playing ABBA; A fairground organ playing Bohemian Rhapsody; and of course you know Toccata. Butterfly and Captain Jack are DDR references, but they - and the other songs - are not, to the best of my knowledge, available in organ form. Yet. They do have Caramelldansen! Band organs give less than a shit about copyright and I agree with them!

[Back to the Site?]

[esmorothfallen]

Who was your first muse? / Are there any characters you’re interested in wanting to roleplay as? / What do you expect from others when they want to roleplay?

munday meme! | accepting

// OOO three in one!! Thanks so much for sending! Answers are under the cut because this got a little long!

who was my first muse:

That depends on if you mean on Tumblr specifically, or in general. The first canon character I ever roleplayed was Sans from Undertale. Mind you, I was 13-14 then and I fell into the fanon trap hook, line, and sinker. This was also before Tumblr. I roleplayed him partially on Roblox, and partially on Chatzy As for Tumblr, I briefly had an askblog for Garry and Mary from Ib. But I think my first real Tumblr roleplay blog was Blue Diamond from Steven Universe. That blog is still out there, but I'd rather leave it buried tbh because I did not write her well either. Nor would she probably be the character I chose to write if I was to ever write from Steven Universe again (which is unlikely at this point.)

are there any other characters i'm interested in roleplaying as

Kind of! I've considered making a multimuse again as a sideblog to this one for some of my secondaries and possibly some OCs, but realistically it would probably never get off the ground. Both because of how finicky my secondary muses are, and because a lot of them are from semi-obscure fandoms. My strongest muse aside from Simon is actually Grace. I almost made her a solo-blog as a sideblog to Simon's old blog, but never ended up finishing it. It could be something I consider at some point, but probably not right now with the Infinity Train RPC as quiet as it is. (I'd really like to see someone else pick her up though!)

what do i expect from others when they want to roleplay

Interaction / communication! Admittedly I'm not good at the communication part either, at least when it comes to like. Messaging someone before we've interacted all that much. Anxiety is the bane of roleplayers everywhere, Lol. That being said, what I would like to see is people making an effort to interact with me. Sending inbox memes, liking my interaction calls, filling out my interest checker... that sort of thing! It gives me the confidence that they do actually want to interact with me. I try to do the same on my end where I can. I've been keeping an eye on the dash for starter calls, inbox memes I feel comfortable sending, and things like that. And I've filled out interest checkers for people who have one. That being said, if there's anything else any of you would like to see me do, feel free to let me know!

[baymaksu]

While I should be absolutely studying and working on things for my two jobs, my brain has instead decided to go overdrive mode on fan fiction and fan art ideas and its taken my brain by storm… because I keep brainstorming ideas… So, since Disney is showing its ambitious previews of a lot of new spinoff series. I’ve decided to preview some prompts for my own ambitious series with independent AU’s that I will dub as part of the “BH6 Baymaksu-verse.” More or less just my takes on the greater BH6 Multiverse lol.

Of course, I want to complete my flagship series, Big Hero 6: Penitent Sparrow. It is only two chapters away from completion but I am immensely proud of it, please check it out. Also, Big Hero 6: Karmic Rewards will be completed too, I have not forgotten about it. Just piecing together a proper ending for these two fanfic series. I will also work on concept art to give those a bit more love and recognition.

Now, for my other works in progresses that will be done in the future:

Big Hero 6: Tempest Redux

Who was the real Liv Amara? And who is it that now stands in her place? With the looming threat of a true "city of monsters," Hiro, Karmi, Abigail and the Big Hero 6 team must fight to protect what they hold dear. A complete reimagining of the CoM arc, taking place after the conclusion of the Penitent Sparrow series.

Big Hero 6: The Far Shore

After Hiro perseveres to recover an encrypted and corrupted file, he uncovers a hidden project known as “Project Far Shore” that was abandoned by Tadashi. Now faced with the same ethical quandary his brother contended with, Hiro must seek to answer a fundamental question, “What does it mean to exist?”

Lady Marvel: Rising

When Di Amara is a faced with rapid deterioration of her clone body, she escapes and kidnaps Liv. In her wake, widespread mutations occur throughout San Fransokyo. Not wanting Karmi to face the reality of Amara on the loose, Hiro personally sets off after the clone. But with everything she cares about being threatened, Karmi is forced to face her monster.

Big Hero 6: Crimsoned Snow

When another teenage prodigy, Toushiro Takachiho, arrives to SFIT, Hiro and Karmi find themselves with a new friend and rival in their new classmate. But there is certainly more to this young boy with a troubled past. Can these two teenage prodigies help this boy genius?

Big Hero 6: Companions in Health

Set in a timeline after the Penitent Sparrow Arc, Hiro and Karmi decide to volunteer at hospital clinics with Dr. Lily Bay alongside the two Baymax models. With each patient encounter, not only does each Baymax’s healthcare matrix improve, but Hiro and Karmi learn about heroism beyond crime-fighting against super-villains. (I actually had this idea two years back, it was to be a mini-arc within Tempest Redux. But upon hearing about the premise of the upcoming Baymax! Series, I saw for more potential stories that could tie in with my own personal experiences as an EMS provider)

Big Heroine Uno

Karmi Khan sure has an interesting teenage life. A double life is no ordinary life for a young biotech prodigy at the prestigious San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. Especially when she has to keep that double life away from her family in Pakistan, while dealing with a heated rivalry with a fellow teenage prodigy named Hiro Hamada. And the best part? Said rival is absolutely in love with her superhero alter ego, Lady Marvel. (That’s right, ladies and germs, this is the Uno Reverse AU)

Would love to hear if any of these stories interests you or you would like to read first? Of course, the development team (my finicky muses in my creative brain) will decide which and when to work on them, but I would like to try to prioritize and make them into a reality. Because BH6 fanfiction!

[roselovesa]

have you seen CHOI HYEJIN ? i heard SHE is a FLORIST at THE GREEN MEADOW. they’re 21 years old and they’ve been living in san verto for one year. they tend to be BENEVOLENT & MAGNANIMOUS, but rumor has it they can also be CAPRICIOUS & FINICKY. 

｡*    ❪       📂   𝐂://STATISTICS.

name: choi hyejin 

age: twenty - one

sign: pisces sun / libra moon ( click )

sexuality: bisexual

gender: cis woman ( she/her/hers )

occupation: florist , pianist, & composer 

alignment: chaotic neutral

｡*    ❪       📂   𝐂://BIOGRAPHY

* note: minho’s little sister !! <33 

📍   𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙾𝙽𝙴 - 𝚜𝚎𝚘𝚞𝚕, 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚑 𝚔𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚊.

born   as   the   youngest   child   of   a   nurse  &   a   teacher,   hyejin’s   childhood   was   nothing   out   of   the   ordinary.   her   love   for   music   had   always   been   apparent   —  her   mother   noticing   early   on   that,   whenever   her   daughter   was   throwing   a   hissy   fit,   all   she   had   to   do   was   play   some   classical   music   in   order   to   get   her   to   calm   down

hence,   it   shouldn’t   have   been   a   surprise   that   her   father   decided   to   teach   her   how   to   play   the   piano   at   the   age   of   6.   &  by   the   age   of   9   she   was   labeled   a   child   prodigy.   hyejin   would   often   participate   in   competitions,   attend   music   camps,   &   play   in   front   of   anyone   who   was   willing   to   listen.   her   talent   was   undeniable,   truly

in   the   years   to   follow   she   would   pick   up   other   instruments   here   &   there   (   violin,   guitar,   french   horn   ),   but   nothing   seemed   to   stick   as   much   as   piano   did.   hyejin   would   also   dabble   in   writing   her   own   music,   often   with   the   help   of   her   father

&   if   there’s   one   thing   hyejin   learned   it’s   that   practice   makes   perfect.   by   the   age   of   11   she   managed   to   become   an   extremely   valuable   asset   for   her   school’s   yearly   musicals   as   she   composed   about   60%   of   the   songs   performed   <33

she   went   viral   on   social   media   a   few   times   as   well,   her   youtube   channel   accumulating   about   1.6M   views   by   her   4th   upload.   she   would   frequently   get   interviewed   around   that   time   as   well,   with   professionals   often   commenting   on   hyejin’s   bright   future

📍   𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝚆𝙾 - 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚛𝚔 𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚢, 𝚄𝚂𝙰.

her   brother   getting   injured   on   tv   was   a   catalyst   of   change.   hyejin   convinced   her   parents   to   let   her   move   to   new   york   in   order   to   take   care   of   him,   being   well   aware   her   life   had   considerably   dulled   the   moment   he   decided   to   leave   a   few   years   prior

the   move   went   smoothly,   &   with   opportunities   lining   up   in   front   of   her,   she   decided   to   get   a   bachelor’s   degree   in   music   composition,   her   accomplishments   allowing   her   to   attend   one   of   the   most   prestige   universities   in   the   city

it’s   there   where   she   fell   in   love   with   a   guy   who   she   deemed   to   be   a   mentor   of   sorts  ;  always   pushing   her   to   do   better   &   achieve   unattainable   perfection.   it   had   been   so   easy   for   hyejin   to   trust   him   with   her   work,   with   him   appearing   to   be   the   more   experienced   &   wiser   of   the   two.   he   was   a   child   of   a   famous   musician   after   all,   mastering   the   arts   of   sweet   talking   unassuming   girls   with   a   whole   lot   of   empty   promises

so   when   their   uni   announced   a   proposal   of   a   student   being   able   to   apply   for   an   internship   that   would   skyrocket   their   careers   right   into   stardom,   hyejin   was   well   aware   this   was   an   opportunity   that   couldn’t   be   missed.   her   boyfriend   mentioned   how   he   wouldn’t   apply,   seeing   his   father   could   offer   him   a   job  easily,   but   mentioned   how   she   should   send   her   work   to   him   so   he   could   look   it   over   &  help   her   out

😬

“  hey   babe,   i’m   sorry   to   tell   you   this   but   the   piece   you   sent   me   just   isn’t   that   good…   i   can’t   quite   put   my   finger   on   it,   but   the   composition   is   just   wrong.   it’s   okay,   though,   you’re   only   a   freshman   &   still   have   a   lot   to   learn,   we’ll   work   on   it   together.   but   maybe   forget   about   the   internship   for   now   ?   i’m   sure   with   some   improvement   my   father   will   manage   to   get   you   an   even   better   job…   anyways,   love   you,   talk   to   you   soon   ”

crestfallen   &   humiliated,   hyejin   accepted   the   fact   that   it   would   be   simply   too   embarrassing   to   submit   the   sheets   of   music   she’d   written.   it   was   two   weeks   later   that   her   boyfriend   abruptly   ghosted   her,   only   for   her   to   find   out   he’d   gotten   the   internship   by   applying   with   the   composed   music   she   sent   him.   he   denied   any   claims   of   stealing,   &   when   hyejin   told   her   professor   about   the   situation   he   basically   wrote   it   off   as   well

📍   𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴: 𝚜𝚊𝚗 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚘, 𝚄𝚂𝙰.

in   the   next   few   months   it   felt   like   her   life   had   crumbled   down   around   her,   hyejin’s   future   career   appearing   grim.   minho   &   her   decided   to   move   to   san   verto   in   order   to   find   peace,   a   fresh   start   waiting   for   them   there

she   took   up   multiple   side   jobs   to   get   her   music   out   there   again,   while   also   trying   to   push   past   the   writer’s   block   she   experienced   due   to   stress.   on   week   days   she   would   give   rich   kids   piano   lessons   after   uni   &   bloom   under   the   praises   their   parents   would   give   her   skills.   on   the   weekends   she   would   play   at   a   5   star   restaurant,   hoping   the   right   people   would   discover   her   there

having   lost   the   comfort   music   once   gave   her,   hyejin   decided   to   take   up   a   job   as   a   florist   &   keeps   herself   busy   tending   to   flowers.   it   isn’t   her   ideal   career   plan,   but   at   least   she’s   moving   forward   with   her   life

throughout   the   years   she   kept   uploading   videos   of   her   playing   piano   on   youtube,   each   video   getting   about   900k   views   on   average.   it   allows   her   to   be   fairly   recognizable   on   her   own   accord,   although   most   of   her   fame   comes   from   being   associated   with   her   brother.   she’s   starting   to   climb   in   popularity,   though,   spending   some   of   her   time   to   focus   on   crafting   a   stronger   social   media   presence

｡*    ❪       📂   𝐂://PERSONALITY.

🦋   𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙻𝙾𝙶𝚈 - 𝚜𝚞𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚙𝚒𝚜𝚌𝚎𝚜, 𝚖𝚘𝚘𝚗 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚋𝚛𝚊

click me !

empathic,   romantic,   impressionable,   &   imaginative   -   hyejin   tends   to   see   the   world   through   a   rose   colored   glass  ;   the   harsh   realities   of   life   often   making   her   want   to   indulge   in   escapism.   overall   a   generous   and   kind   person

can’t   handle   pressure   well,   ultimately   she’s   a   perfectionist.   hyejin   has   a   specific   vision   of   how   she   wants   her   life   to   play   out,   &   if   anything   interferes   with   that   she   might   feel   devastated   &   defeated.   however,   she’s   quick   to   get   back   on   her   feet   &  continue   pursuing   what   she   was   working   on

obsessed   with   fairytale   romances,   used   to   read   countless   of   young   adult   novels   hoping   she’d   experience   love   like   that.   hyejin   easily   tends   to   romanticize   &   idealize   the   people   she’s   fond   of,   thinking   they   can   do   no   wrong   in   her   eyes   &   putting   them   on   a   pedestal   *coughs* minho :( 

despite   all   of   that   she   has   a   great   intuition,   hypersensitive   to   her   environment.   she’s   often   aware   of   other   people’s   emotions,   meaning   when   someone   or   something’s   off   she   usually   able   to   identify   such   things   immediately

would   prefer   to   avoid   conflict   at   all   cost   as   well,   she   doesn’t   enjoy   being   faced   with   consequences   of   her   own   actions

at   first   glance   she   can   appear   rather   stand-offish   as   well,   not   really   the   type   to   walk   up   to   someone   &   handle   small   talk   in   an   eloquent   way.   she’s   shy   &   an   introvert,   the   type   to   hide   behind   her   mother   whenever   someone   addressed   her   when   she   was   younger.   hyejin   is   only   able   to   come   out   of   her   shell   around   people   she   knows   she   can   trust

channels   all   of   her   feelings   into   her   art  !!

｡*    ❪       📂   𝐂://WANTED CONNECTIONS.

💌   𝚁𝙾𝙼𝙰𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙲 - 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜   (   open to m/f/nb muses !   )

current   flings  

will   they   /   won’t   they  

friends   with   benefits   (   one-sided,   purely   platonic,   etc…   )  

unrequited   love   type   of   thing   (   either   hyejin   or   your   muse  )  

fake   dating   au  

exes   on   bad   terms  

exes   on   good   terms  

enemies   to   friends   (   ?   )   to   lovers   /   flings   (   ?   )   to   exes   (   ?   )   (   we   can   do   this   however   you   see   fit   !   )

one   of   them   caught   feelings  (  thinking   they   had   something   special  )   &   suddenly   the   other   ghosted,   perhaps   leaving   behind   a   bruised   ego   )  

💌   𝙿𝙻𝙰𝚃𝙾𝙽𝙸𝙲 - 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜   (   open to m/f/nb muses !   )

best   friend  

good   influence  

bad   influence  

childhood   friends  

protective   type   of   friendship   (   can   go   either   way   !   )  

confidants  

someone   (   preferably   an   artist   )  hyejin   looks   up   to  

friends   who   hang   out   purely   because   it’s   good   for   their   public   image  

secret   type   of   friendship   where   being   seen   together   in   public   would   damage   their   image,   aka   them   meeting   up   in   private   !  

were   set   up   on   a   blind   date   together,   hit   it   off   in   a   platonic   way   &   became   really   good   friends   <33  

only   hang   out   because   of   mutual   friends

💌   𝙼𝙸𝚂𝙲𝙴𝙻𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙴𝙾𝚄𝚂 - 𝚜𝚞𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜   (   open to m/f/nb muses !   )

hyejin’s   muse   aka   whenever   she   sees   them   she   gets   inspired   to   write   a   song   or   two   <3  

blackmailing   type   of   plots  

general   dislike   for   each   other,   they   simply   do   not   vibe  

someone   hyejin   teaches   how   to   play   piano  

rivalry,   they   see   each   other   as   competition  

have   shared   secret   where   both   of   them   are/were   involved   in   a   situation,   &  promised   secrecy   to   each   other

@foolsstarters​ 

[missywhomst]

Just One?

In her post regeneration haze, the Doctor discovers earrings (Thasmin if you squint). 

(This is kind of an experimental fic to see if I wanna do a series about 13′s post regeneration antics. Not sure how I feel about it, but I hope you all like it!)

- gif by @queerthasmin​ - 

Time seemed to be moving in leaps and bounds, and she was surprisingly disoriented by it which was funny, really, considering how accustomed she was to hopping around the space-time continuum like it was her own personal playset. And so she laughed, almost a scoff, a bit dizzy at the scenery change as she found herself being guided by Yaz down the hallway to a bedroom.

“What’re we up to now? Lost is my head, there,” she said, turning to look at her new friend. She’d found that she garnered much less concern if she pretended she wasn’t missing chunks of time from the last, well, if she had to guess about six hours. Maybe less. She was fairly certain it was still the same day.

Thankfully, or perhaps not, she discovered that she was able to carry on full conversations while blacked out. There had been a point when she was still on the train being fawned over by someone named Grace and another someone named Graham, telling them that she was fine, she was fine, and she just needed to walk it off. Grace insisted she wait for the police, that a PC Khan was nearby and that she just wanted to have a talk. She distinctly remembered saying great, that she’d love a talk, that she really liked talking, and that she’d gotten a new tongue so she needed to break it in. Then the next second she was stumbling after a firefly in the tall grass of a field, the train stopped behind her and Graham running after her yelling oi, where do you think you’re going, and you just fell through a train, love, and come on, now, have a seat.

Graham and Grace and Ryan, who was friends with Yaz, or wasn’t friends, or used to be friends, took her back to their place for a cuppa because she wouldn’t let them take her to A&E. And though she claimed she only tagged along so she could ask a few more questions and file a proper report, she was fairly certain Yaz was just curious about the person who fell from the sky. Some other things happened that she mostly remembered, and now they were in a bedroom, and Yaz was setting down a duffel bag on a bed. Then she put a hand on her back and led her to a chair, pushing down on her shoulders to make her sit.

“I brought some clothes from my flat. Figured they might fit you. I’m sure you’ll appreciate being out of those ones,” Yaz chuckled, walking back to the bed to unzip the bag. She looked down at her arms. Her jacket was torn and burned and about four sizes too big, the ripped cuffs flopping over her knuckles. Her whole outfit was in tatters, really, and she’d been tripping over her trouser legs for what felt like ages now.

“He liked this outfit. Bit of a magician’s coat, innit? Think he’ll be mad?” she asked, picking at the singed ends with absent fingers.

“Who?”

“Him. Me,” she offered helplessly. Yaz frowned, turning back to the bag without replying. It was a difficult sort of mental gymnastics that she had to perform after any given regeneration. The separating herself from her previous self while simultaneously reconciling the two existences. Bit of a head wonk, that one. She took a breath, turning to the cluttered desk and dusty mirror she’d been placed down in front of. Her eyes caught the little silver things scattered across its wooden surface. “Yaz, what are these?” she called, picking one of the dangly ones up between her thumb and forefinger. Yaz turned to look, and she watched her glance at the thing in the reflection of the mirror. Another frown settled on her face.

“Those are...earrings,” she said, and though it wasn’t quite a question, her voice lilted up at the end as if it was, cocking her head quizzically.

“Are you sure?” she asked back, turning her body to look Yaz dead in the eye. “You don’t seem too sure.”

“I’m fairly certain I know what earrings look like,” she said, tossing a few shirts on the bed. “Been wearing them my whole life. More concerned that you don’t know.”

She hummed, choosing to ignore that as she turned back to face the mirror and examine it in detail. There was a little silver hook and from it dangled a set of beads in warm colors. She flicked it with her other finger, watching them sway back and forth in quick succession, clinking together and tangling. Her eyes got buggy rather quickly and she blinked, setting it back down on the desk.

“What do you do with them?” she called again, frowning as she leaned forward to examine herself in the mirror.

“You wear them. They’re jewelry. Jesus, how hard did you hit your head. Are you sure you don’t want to go to A&E?” Yaz asked, walking to stand behind her with her hands on her hips. She just prodded at her cheeks, lips squishing together.

“I’m perfectly fine,” she muttered, holding her hair up above her head and watching it fall back down to her chin.

“You don’t even know your name,” Yaz sighed, pressing her hand into the back of her chair.

“Which is a perfectly natural response when all your atoms have been instantaneously rearranged,” she said simply, turning to look up at Yaz. Then she gasped, her eyes lighting up as she reached out to run her thumb across Yaz’s ear lobe. “Oh, I get it now! Ear Rings. That is brilliant,” she grinned, prodding the little hoop in Yaz’s ear and stretching the velvety skin there with gentle fingers, little hairs bending under her thumb. Yaz swallowed and grabbed her wrist. She didn’t look quite as certain now as she had a few minutes ago when she’d pressed her palms into her shoulders and decisively pushed her into a chair.

“Can you not do that again, please?” Yaz asked, voice cracking as she met her eyes.

“Okay,” she said, lowering her arm as Yaz let go of it. She remembered that humans were finicky about their personal space, and she could never seem to keep up. Still, Yaz’s reaction seemed odd. She brought her fingers to her own ear, rubbing her thumb over the equally soft skin as Yaz turned back to the bed to organize her pile of things.

“I picked out some clothes for you. Some pajamas, a couple tee shirts and trousers, a sports bra if you want it. Obviously not sure what your size for anything is, but we can go shopping tomorrow morning,” Yaz offered.

She leaned forward to look at herself in the mirror again, brushing her hair behind her ear. “Why do you wear them?”

“Clothes?” Yaz asked hesitantly, not turning around. She glanced at Yaz's back in the mirror.

“Earrings,” she clarified, and Yaz almost looked relieved as she let out a breathy laugh.

“Oh, um, I dunno really. They look nice? My mum did them when I was pretty little. It’s kind of like a thing for girls to wear them,” Yaz shrugged, unfolding a shirt from her duffel bag.

She ran a finger down her nose, over her lips, and down her neck. It was smooth. Sans adam’s apple. Sans facial hair. She examined her jawline and collar bones and ran her fingers down the V of her button down. It was all very soft. And she recognized it as hers. “I think I’m a girl,” she breathed suddenly, wide eyed as she traced her hairline. She’d been told that information already in between that precise moment in Grace and Graham’s bedroom and when she’d crashed through a train roof, but she hadn’t quite comprehended the idea until then. She heard Yaz chuckle behind her.

“Good for you, then.”

She picked up the earring again, scrutinizing it. There were others like it in a little porcelain bowl near the mirror. With eager fingers, she dug through them, sorting through safety pins and paperclips and earrings that didn’t have their other halves.

“I want an earring, Yaz,” she declared, searching Grace’s stash for the perfect one.

“Just one?” Yaz asked skeptically.

“Never had one before,” she mused. 

“So you want to be a pirate, then?” 

“Never noticed them before,” she mused, pondering what else she might have missed as a man.

“Okay, well, we can go to a piercing shop tomorrow, I guess.”

“Tomorrow?” she whined, deflating and scrunching her nose up. “That’s hours away, and I might not want one then.”

“All the better reason to wait!” Yaz protested, turning to her. Then she paused suddenly, her face going sour. “God, I sound like my mother.”

She scrambled to her feet and took a few large strides forward, hands up to emphasize her point. “Yaz, listen. Sometimes my brain makes decisions that I disagree with, but this is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity to get ahead of myself,” she pleaded. Oh, begging, that’s new. She wasn’t sure she liked it yet, but she did need this earring and it felt like she might die again if she didn’t get it.

“Right, there’s a lot to unpack there, but I’m choosing to ignore it,” Yaz sighed, so close that she felt her breath on her nose.

“I’m not all together right now—”

“That’s something we can agree on,” Yaz muttered.

“—I’m still...forming. When I wake up tomorrow, I might not like earrings. Who knows? Everything’s new and different, and I might turn out to be a total bore if I don’t do something about it right now,” she breathed, biting down on her lip. She wasn’t sure if that was true, but it felt true with all the buzzing urgency going on inside her. That might just be the regeneration energy still repairing her internal organs from that landing, not her best one admittedly, but that certainly didn’t matter in her quest for an earring.

“It’s the middle of the night,” Yaz groaned. “How are you not exhausted?” Seeing the pleading look in Yaz’s eyes made her sag just a little, huffing as she sat back down.

“Humans have terrible circadian rhythms, and you should inquire about changing them. I mean, you sleep a third of your life away!” she protested indignantly. Yaz cocked her head at her.

“What do you mean...humans?” Yaz quickly shook her head. “You know what, I’ve had enough weird for the night, so I’m just gonna step out and let you change,” she said, walking out of the room and leaving her to fiddle with loose earrings and wondering if that could be her next project, changing humanity’s sleep cycle. She wondered if they’d make her a statue or something. Did she like statues? Well, she didn’t like ones that moved, and there was no telling which ones could, so decidedly not.

Still bitter, she sulked over the desk, picking up earrings and examining them. She poked at the dull end, wondering how exactly they got them through your ear lobe if they weren’t even sharp. Another shiny thing caught her attention out of the corner of her eye, and she grinned, picking it up. “Brilliant,” she breathed, opening the safety pin and watching the pointy bit sparkle in the light.

She leaned closer to the mirror, looking herself in the eye and taking a deep breath as she aligned the pin with her ear. In one decisive motion, she shoved it through, and a white hot pain burned across her skin. “Ow!” she yelped with a frown, feeling rather betrayed. Yaz poked her head in to see what was going on and was at her side in a flash when she saw the blood beading on her ear.

“Are you bloody insane?” Yaz asked, looking at the pin stuck through her ear, the skin already bright red and puffy.

“I didn’t think it would hurt,” she admitted, glancing up at Yaz.

“You just tore a hole through part of your body. It’s gonna hurt!” Yaz protested, grabbing a tissue. In the meantime, she grabbed the safety pin and winced as she latched it in place. “Oh, no you don’t. You’re taking that out right now. It could get infected!”

“No, this is the perfect time to do this!” she protested, eyes wide and urgent. “I’m still rearranging. So if I can keep the hole there until things settle down then it’ll become a part of this new body. It won’t ever close,” she said, scrambling out of her chair and inching away from a slowly approaching Yaz.

“I just wanna look at it,” she said, tissue in hand. She eyed Yaz’s posture, ready to pounce, and seriously doubted her sincerity.

“Stay away from me, Yaz,” she warned, inching toward the door.

“At least let me clean it. You’re dripping on your jacket,” she said, motioning to her shoulder. She quickly wiped her fingers along her earlobe and found them slick with dark orange blood.

“‘M fine!” she motioned, wiping her fingers on her trouser leg. Yaz eyed her. “He won’t mind,” she assured her, but that seemed to make Yaz even less assured and she lunged for her. But she was too quick, sliding out the door and running down the hallway to the living room. “I’m serious, Ya—” she yelped as strong arms wrapped around her, and then they were both on the ground, the wind knocked out of her. Yaz gasped, rolling off her. Then she turned onto her back as Yaz sat on her heels. “Oh, god, that one hurt. I think you rebruised my left kidney.”

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to tackle you. Just couldn’t have you running out the door. If you won’t go to A&E, you’re our responsibility now,” she breathed, pressing her palms into her thighs.

“I’m not a madman,” she protested, wincing as she propped herself up on her forearms.

“That’s highly debatable, love,” Grace chimed in, and that was when she realized that she was in the middle of the living room floor, all her new friends peering down at her.

“I’m very serious about my earrings. So I’m learning. Do you happen to have any in gold? I don’t think silver’s my color,” she offered, scrunching her nose as she brushed her hair back to show them all the safety pin secured through her ear and the blood smeared down her neck.

[shimmerfang-impact-moved]

Your muse’s negative traits Rules: bold what applies and italicize what applies sometimes.

absent-minded | addict | aggressive | aloof | antisocial | arrogant | authoritarian | biased | bitter | blasé | blithe | brutal | callous | cannibal | careless | childish | cold/cold-hearted | complacent | compulsive | conceited | controlling | corrects others constantly | cowardly | critical | cruel | deceptive | deceitful | delusional | demanding | disillusioned | disloyal | disrespectful | distant | distractible | disputatious | disobedient | domineering | envious | emotionally stunted | facetious | finicky | foolish | forgetful | greedy | grim | guarded | hard | harsh | haughty | hypocritical | indulgent | impatient | impolite | impulsive | inconsistent | inconsiderate | indifferent | insecure | insensitive | irresponsible | irritable | intimidating | judgmental | kidnapper | kinslayer | lazy | liar | loud | lustful | manipulative | materialistic | mean | merciless | messianic | messy | mischievous | mistrusting | moody | murderer | narrow-minded | nonchalant | obsessive | opinionated | obtrusive | over-bearing | over-confident | over-critical | over-emotional | over-thinking | passive-aggressive | patronizing | petty | pompous | presumptuous | proud | remote | repressed | ridiculous | rigid | rules with an iron fist | ruthless | sarcastic | self-centered | self-righteous | self-indulgent | serial killer | single-minded | taciturn | timid | temperamental | torturer | touchy | traitorous | unsympathetic | unpredictable | uptight | vain | vengeful | weak-willed | workaholic

Tagged by: @fxtelism (thank you!) Tagging: @evasion-finalist, @unborderedreflection, @soulstokedrolando, @ofstarsandskies (for nii-san Julius), @gilandor-yul-svent, @broadswordandpistol, @breaking-the-boundaries (for Ludger), and anyone else who wants to do this!

[relentlessadherence]

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you? ♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

Man depends it can sometimes take a lot if I’m on good terms. So depending on how much I like you ooc depends on how much shit i’ll take If I don’t know you breaking one rule may get you gone for good. Also depends what rule. I make acts of passion often so my ‘fiery’ personality can play factors. I’m finicky but i at least admit to that?

idk if you force my character to do something/control them be a huge bitch or something you’re gone. We just dont know honestly.

♥ What's the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

So I already told the story about that Sans giving my Sans a dick so lets do another story... i guess???

This has something to do a little with the person ooc as well as their muse but it was a pretty trashy experience.

When I rped from Pokemon I played Matt from Alpha Sapphire. Since I was the main active one (there was a few others on and off) I got most of the attention from the Aqua grunts and got to be the big bro to them all I had a few favorites I played with more often than others and it was REALLY REALLY fun. 

Eventually someone who was already in the community (I forget if they had another aqua grunt or just another muse in the community) But they made a grunt that was like the chef for the team. and BOY DID MATT AND HER HIT IT OFF to the point of oh fuck I think he’s into her and oh fuck i think shes into him. We just played off this super natural slow starting ‘romance’ if it could even be called that but one of the female grunts got super mad he wasn’t spending as much time with her her muse was 19??? mine was 27-- and I wanted nothing more than to be ‘big bro’ to her. And she got salty and kind of nasty to the chef and then the mun was a huge bitch to both of us and just It was bad and both the girl who played the Chef and myself left the community shortly after since theres only so many people who play Hoenn we only had so many people to talk to it was real close knit that we just bounced... i kind of want to go back to that blog one day.

im not really mad anymore im just sad it took that direction. I also feel I should of delt with it ooc much better than I did since the girl who played the little grunt was 13 at the time. not saying she was a bad rper she just was a kid and i should of took that more into consideration. 

[mrfunnybonearchives]

*puts in URL?*

My Opinion on;

Character in general: Papyrus!! Oh man, I love Paps so much. I love writing snippets of him whenever it comes up, and when Sans muse is being finicky with me, Paps Muse is always there to save the day (they work well together!). I love him so much that I’ve saved a URL for an RP blog for him, if I can ever find the time. How they play them:  I HONESTLY LOVE THEIR PORTRAYAL SO MUCH? They’re one of my favorite Papyrus blogs! Something about the way they write his dialogue always feels very in-character, and I just adore it. Often times I’m chuckling right along with his crazy antics! Their posts are always welcomed additions to my dash.The Mun: They seem pretty chill, from their OOC posts and tags! Must be all that time spent in Snowdin... B) 

Do I:

RP with them: None as of yetWant to RP with them: Yes, please, I would love to!

What is my;

Overall Opinion: What can I say? I’ve got a weak spot for my bro. Go check him out, he’s the coolest. 

**Note: Mun’s answer are all to be completely honest. Don’t send url if you don’t want brutal honesty

[shell-senji]

Gajevy Week 2017: A Surreptitious Suitor, Chapter 5

Here’s chapter five of my Gajevy week story! (Chapter four is here.)

I know I keep thanking y’all, but seriously, I am so thankful and amazed at the reviews, likes, and reblogs. 

Read HERE on fanfiction.net.

                                  Day 6 Prompt: Grief

It was no secret to anyone in Fairy Tail that Levy McGarden could sleep through just about anything. It had been a long-standing joke among the members of Team Shadow Gear—that throughout the many jobs that had taken them across Fiore, Jet and Droy had searched high and low for an alarm clock that could rouse Levy. They joked that said alarm clock had yet to be made.

Thus, Erza made no attempts to be quiet when she confronted the not-so-stealthy Jet and Droy trying to sneak out of Fairy Hills one morning.

“Explain.”

Jet held up slightly shaking hands in appeasement. “Erza-san! G-g-gomennasai! We were only leaving a surprise for Levy.”

Droy nodded vigorously.

Erza didn’t look convinced. “You couldn’t have asked one of us to give it to her or put it in her room?”

They hung their heads and made noncommittal noises.

Though it woke the few remaining slumbering residents of Fairy Hills, the pain-filled cries of “itaiiii” failed to wake Levy.

Levy cracked open an eye to peer at the clock. Ten a.m. Could be worse.

She stretched and dragged herself out of bed, nearly tripping as the tangled sheets tried to come with her.

Gods I need coffee. I stayed up way too late last night reading.

Again.

One teeny downside to being a bookworm and working at a library was the almost infinite supply for her addiction.

Before she could mainline caffeine, a small potted plant on her desk caught her eye. It had dark green foliage and daisy-esque flowers with pale pink petals surrounding a pinkish-orange center.

She smiled at the cheerful little plant, which she assumed was a new gift from her secret admirer.

Who she hoped was Gajeel.

Feeling more awake than was normal pre-coffee, Levy decided to get her morning java at the guild, and it was difficult to keep a happy little skip out of her step as she went.

No sooner had she entered the guild than a stern-faced Erza stopped her.

“Levy, as the leader of Team Shadow Gear, you are responsible for making sure your team behaves appropriately. I let it slide with only minor punishment, but any further such grievances and I will not be so tolerant.”

Levy raised an eyebrow in confusion. “I… Um…” Though she had no clue what Erza was going on about, she decided it was best to simply smile and nod. Doing so, she added, “Of course, Erza. Thank you for letting me know.”

Satisfied, Erza smiled back and left Levy to—finally—get her much-desired coffee.

Steaming cup of heavenly bliss in hand, she made her way over to Jet and Droy’s table.

“So why exactly did I just get lectured by Erza?” she asked, sipping her coffee slowly. It was hot. And divine.

“We were sneaking you a surprise, Levy. I’m sorry,” Jet said, looking a bit like a kicked puppy.

“Did you see it? It’s a special cultivar, just for you! I call it ‘Levy Pink’ since it almost matches the one on your headband,” Droy said. “Argyranthemum frutescens1 usually require full sun and planting outside, but this one will be fine indoors as a houseplant. It’s easy to care for—”

Jet cut off Droy’s enthusiastic horticultural ramblings. “We thought you would like it, but we never intended to cause you any trouble. Hopefully she didn’t give you too much grief?”

Levy smiled gently and placed her hands on top of theirs. “I love it. It’s such a cheerful little plant, and it makes me so happy that you did it just for me. Thank you both.”

Their answering grins were so full of relief she couldn’t hold back a little giggle.

“And don’t worry about what happened with Erza. Except…maybe hold off on the sneaking in, okay?”

They nodded, and Levy went back to drinking her coffee.

Those two… I swear…

She really did love Jet and Droy, but like brothers, not anything more. And they seemed to have finally accepted that as well as her budding relationship with Gajeel, though the latter had taken some convincing.

An errant thought had her stomach churning unpleasantly.

They snuck me…a surprise… Oh no!

Levy kept her features schooled in a neutral expression and continued drinking her coffee. Inside, however, her mind was a veritable maelstrom of emotions.

Does that mean…the other mystery gifts…

Are they my secret admirers?

So the books weren’t from Gajeel after all?

No…surely… Surely if it had been them, Erza would have caught them sooner.

A sliver of doubt pushed back. Or maybe you just want to believe it was Gajeel, so you’re refusing to accept that it could have been them all along?

She swallowed hard around the golf ball-like lump that had formed in her throat.

Feeling hot tears prickling the backs of her eyes, she scolded herself mentally.

Cut it out, Levy. Stop acting like a kid. So what if Jet and Droy are your secret admirers? You know Gajeel likes you—sure, he moves at a glacial pace, but things are progressing! You’ve gone on several dates, shared a few kisses. This is not the end of the world.

“Levy-chan!” A singsong voice halted her self-chastising.

Forcing a smile, she looked up at Lucy. “Morning, Lu-chan!”

Lucy dropped into a seat next to her. Jerking a thumb at the still-subdued Jet and Droy, who had gone to browse the job board, Lucy asked, “What’s up with them?”

Levy laughed. “Oh, they got a dressing down from Erza for sneaking into Fairy Hills.”

Lucy joined her in laughing and wiggled her index finger back and forth in a “tsk-tsk” gesture.

“Upside is that now I’ve identified my mysterious admirer. Or should I say, admirers. You’ll have to come see the beautiful plant they gave me. Droy cultivated it just for me!”

The girls chattering away happily, they didn’t notice Pantherlily frowning in concern at Levy’s comments.

Padding away quietly as only a cat can, he found his friend observing a Natsu-Gray argument. No one was quite sure what this one was about.

“Gajeel.”

The iron dragon slayer looked down at the Exceed and waited patiently for him to continue.

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding. Levy was just telling Lucy about her secret admirers Jet and Droy bringing her a plant today,” Lily spoke softly, knowing Gajeel would not want others in the guild to hear him.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Gajeel groaned. He shoved a hand through his hair and exhaled loudly.

“Do you want me—”

“Nah, I’ll figure somethin’ out. Thanks for the heads-up, Lily,” Gajeel said.

Lily nodded, though he would be lying if he said he wasn’t a little concerned about what seemed to be an overly indirect tactic on Gajeel’s part.

I shouldn’t meddle. But if their happiness is on the line…

He mulled for a moment before deciding that for now, a wait-and-see approach would be best.

Deleted Scene

(The author apologizes in advance. It’s your choice whether to believe this happened during the story, or if it is simply the result of an overwrought brain. Should you wish to draw and quarter me, I will accept my punishment. But bear in mind that if you do, it means you won’t get the remaining chapters…)

 “Natsuuuuu! Why are we stopping here first?” Lucy asked as Natsu and Happy dragged her into the guild.

“Because I’m starving! Can’t start a job on an empty stomach!”

Happy nodded enthusiastically. “Aye!”

“Good grief, you two. You ate breakfast not an hour ago at my apartment!” The blonde glared at her partners, who’d plunked themselves at a table after giving Mira their orders.

Right on cue, both Natsu and Happy’s stomachs growled loudly.

Lucy sighed in defeat and sat down across from them. She started to comment when she noticed Levy staring at her.

“Oh, hi, Levy! Is everything okay?”

“Ne, Lu-chan, ever wonder about the origins of words or phrases?” Levy marked the page of the book she’d been reading and took a seat next to her friend.

Lucy gave an appreciative laugh. “Sure, all the time! But I think you and I might be unusual in that regard. What is it you’re wondering about?”

“The phrase ‘good grief’—excluding the idea of catharsis, not very many of us would think of grief as being a good thing,” Levy said.

“Hmm…good point…” Lucy tilted her head as she thought it over.

Around a mouthful of his second breakfast, Natsu asked, “Good grief… Ain’t that like Kobe?”

Lucy and Levy groaned and frowned at him.

“No, baka, that’s ‘good beef’.”

Natsu laughed. “Sorry, my bad.” He downed the last of his drink and slapped the tabletop. “Yoshi! Ready to go, Luce?”

Lucy waved to Levy as she hurried after her companions. “Bye, Levy-chan! You’ll have to let me know when you figure it out!”

Levy smiled and nodded, waving in return.

Author’s note: I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try to tackle full-blown angst in one chapter, plus I was uncertain about going there in this rather fluffy short story. So, I’ll back up my more lighthearted choices rather than traditional grief with a quote from Sappho—“There is no place for grief in a house which serves the Muse.” Given that my muse is finicky enough as is, who am I to argue??

Oh, and if anyone is wondering, “good grief” is what is known as a minced oath, believed to be substituting grief in place of “God.”

Footnotes:

1. Argyranthemum frutescens is also known as a marguerite daisy, and since it typically requires full sun (as Droy mentions), it wouldn’t be well suited as a houseplant—hence the need for Droy to cultivate an indoor one for Levy. While it does come in pink, to my knowledge no “Levy Pink” exists 😉

[hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff]

WHORE. IT WAS the word that triggered a million tweets, the closing line of Kristen Roupenian’s short story sensation “Cat Person.” The accusation was singular, sent via fictional text from Robert to Margot, but it seemed to have come from a misogynist Muse. Robert became a symbol for how coercion can masquerade as benign loneliness; Margot, for how a reluctant “yes” is not allowed to become a “no.” In a different year, these archetypes might not have secured the story second place in The New Yorker most-read rankings, but this was 2017 and the dawn of #MeToo. Landing first on that list was Ronan Farrow’s chilling reportage on the women sexually assaulted and harassed by Harvey Weinstein; a second article on the case came in at number four. “Cat Person” was close but not too close to the other stories affiliated with #MeToo. Neither personal history nor polemic nor news exposé, it was a fiction laced with ambiguity, even pathos, and its pithy ending hit just the right note — Whore.

That epigram helped secure Roupenian her $1.2 million book deal, but the resultant collection, You Know You Want This: “Cat Person” and Other Stories has little in common with the tale advertised in its subtitle. In terms of genre, aesthetics, and even gender politics, “Cat Person” is the exception, not the rule. Indeed, the collection’s first story, “Bad Boy,” announces its distance with aplomb. In a grim first-person plural, a deviant couple recounts how their bum-of-a-friend starts crashing on their couch after a bad breakup. Realizing he can overhear their nightly escapades, the couple starts fantasizing, then teasing, then after a deluge of alcohol, goading him to watch. “Friend” soon becomes a euphemism for sex-slave, as the narratorial “we” imposes elaborate rules and punishments, then loses “our fucking shit” (and sex-drive) when he flees. Finding him back with the girlfriend, they ruthlessly collect themselves and order she be stopped. Read: Strangled. Clearly, we’ve left the psychological realism of “Cat Person” far behind, as well as its well-bounded, hashtag-able ethics of consent. We’ve entered a murkier realm of libertinism and pseudo-horror, one where the eponymous “Bad Boy” comes off as both predator and prey. Sex remains Roupenian’s preferred site to explore human villainy, but the evil has grown more Manichaean — and it’s distributed across gender lines.

The subsequent 11 stories stay near, if never quite reaching, that high watermark of relational violence. They swerve across genres, from the grimmer-than-Grimm fairy tale “The Mirror, the Bucket, and the Old Thigh Bone” to the medical case history “The Matchbox Sign.” Their literary influences are eclectic — traces of Stephen King, Carmen Maria Machado, and Ray Bradbury have been noted — and the results will confound many readers. Some lambaste its “desire to seem shocking,” but they are missing the game being played. For shock is not simply a by-product of horror or fantasy; it’s a device used to signal these storytelling modes. Judgment, be it aesthetic or ethical, can only begin in a second stage, after that genre is established, its internal logic clearly defined. If “Cat Person” lays claim to realism and “Bad Boy” to the Sadean libertine, “Sardines” wanders into magical realism, recounting how a singing birthday candle helps an adolescent retaliate against her frenemies and father’s new girlfriend. “Scarred,” meanwhile, plunges into fantasy, with a grimoire that demands the protagonist draw blood, then tears, then an organ from her spell-shackled man-slave.

The villains, you’ll notice, are quite often women, and this is where murky aesthetics starts to make for murky gender politics. Without epigrams like Whore to clearly vindicate or condemn these characters’ machinations, the line between victim and perpetrator starts to blur. And without the framework of realism, a strange power imbalance crops up: more often than not, men are assigned the role of pathetic mortal, while women receive that of the supernatural femme fatale. In those cases, unlike in “Cat Person,” readers could find a discomfiting dose of sympathy elicited for the Roberts of the world.

Take the collection’s concluding story, “Biter.” Its eponymous heroine Ellie spends the tale equivocating on whether to chomp or not on her elfin co-worker Corey Allen. When he makes a sexual pass, Ellie sees an opening and pounces. Her overeager jaws accidentally maul him, but since he’s been groping the other women in the office, Ellie unexpectedly ends up a hero. Instead of staying put to reap the glory, however, she quickly moves onto her next job and next assailant/assailee. “There was one in every office,” writes Roupenian — one man ready to grope, and thus ready for Ellie’s teeth to strike without fear of repercussion. In recalling the way the “Cat Person” reaction split along gender lines, Roupenian quipped “the story threatened to become the blue-dress/white-dress moment of the #MeToo era.” With “Biter,” the litmus test could give more unsettling results. Some will see Ellie as literary scaffolding to unveil the ubiquitous nature of workplace harassment. Others will find warning of how disfiguring deviance can get an ethical free pass. Roupenian’s tone throws a wrench in the whole ordeal: the ending to “Biter,” that image of a vampiric Ellie nonchalantly rotating through office jobs, is crisp enough to be funny. It stands in stark contrast to that final word of “Cat Person”; there, the range of reactions did not include laughter.

Some readers will forgo these more finicky cases by focusing on the collection’s longest tale, “The Good Guy,” which shares the clear-cut aesthetics and gender politics of “Cat Person.” Here too, we have a man, Ted, for whom sex is violence: at 35, his only way to stay stimulated is “to pretend that his dick was a knife, and the woman he was fucking was stabbing herself with it.” The rest of the story is told in retrospect, after his ex-girlfriend qua fantasy-stabbing-victim Angela cracks his head open with a glass tumbler. We learn, through a tale of two women, Rachel and Anna, about Ted’s gradual realization that his sheen of meek “goodness” can be wielded to entrap women. This is sentimental education at its most despicable — and thus most welcome to readers seeking more variants of “Cat Person.” They’ll find refuge also in “Death Wish,” another strictly realist story, and notably the other one Roupenian penned after her 2017 rise to fame.

Isolating these “Cat Person” derivations, however, doesn’t quite do justice to a collection so committed to scampering across genres, and to showcasing evil in both male and female forms. In its more fantastical moments, You Know You Want This reminded me of a similarly daring experiment penned over a century before: Vernon Lee’s collection Hauntings. Most famous for her art criticism and travel writing, Lee was long maligned as the shrill sister to fin-de-siècle male aesthetes like Walter Pater, Oscar Wilde, and Henry James. Virginia Woolf compared her to a “garrulous baby”; Bernard Berenson claimed she “showed a lack of self-control.” The same will perhaps be said of Roupenian. But Lee’s example shows how excess can be an asset in the supernatural domain.

Because for all its eccentricities, You Know You Want This remains tethered to recognizable lands, to text messages and New Year’s champagne and westward moves to San Francisco. It opens a space for readers to sympathize with the “scarred” as well as the scarrer, the bitten as well as the “biter.” Hauntings, on the other hand, takes cognitive estrangement as its premise. In “Amour Dure,” a Polish scholar becomes obsessed with a 16th-century femme fatale; in “A Wicked Voice,” a Norwegian composer can’t stop hearing the trillings of an 18th-century castrato. Lee’s images can be just as gruesome as Roupenian’s, her characters just as diabolical, but her worlds are so self-contained, and so unorthodox, that they evade our affective intrusions and ethical scalpels.

Henry James pinpointed the power of such world-building in a letter to Lee: “[T]he ingenious tales […] are there,” he wrote, “diffused through my intellectual being and within reach of my introspective — or introactive — hand. (My organism will strike you as mixed, as well as my metaphor — and what I mainly mean is that I possess the eminently psychical stories as well as the material volume.)”

For me, Roupenian’s best stories are the ones capable of total diffusion, those like “Sardines” and “The Mirror, the Bucket, and the Old Thigh Bone,” which define their own outlandish worlds, then lie there, waiting coyly for our act of possession.

Yet it was identification, that close sibling of possession, that drove “Cat Person” to stardom, and at points You Know You Want This seems crafted to repeat the effect. By eschewing explicit references to race, class, and even sometimes sexuality, the stories seem aimed to encourage as much reader-recognition as possible. It’s a technique that can backfire. Though the genders of the “We” in “Bad Boy” are technically ambiguous, the collection feature just a single explicitly queer character: Kath in “The Boy in the Pool.” The story is woven with her latent attraction to childhood friend and bride-to-be Taylor, and it culminates with both a boy and a girl in a pool: Kath pushes Taylor in. But those details are swathed in the most hetero of hetero plots: a bachelorette party struggling to compete with the bachelors’ Vegas debauchery. I couldn’t help but think how the last New Yorker story to create such a sensation was Annie Proulx’s 1997 “Brokeback Mountain.” In 2019, queer desire might merit more than one poolside shove.

So, while the collection’s title may be tonally appropriate — flippant and flirting with danger — many readers may find themselves wanting something else. Those who sought Cat People, a set of realist tales whose feminism can be hash-tagged and tweeted with ease, will find it both aesthetically and ethically disappointing. So too will those who crave more engagement with the diverse forms cruelty takes when refracted through the prisms of identity.

Roupenian is undoubtedly capable of tackling intersectional issues head-on. After graduating from Barnard College, she spent two years with the Peace Corps in Kenya, an experience that informs the story “The Night Runner.” While teaching Public Health, she learned Swahili and discovered the literary magazine Kwani? that would become the topic of her English PhD dissertation at Harvard. That background has remained oddly absent in the discussion around her fiction, but it seems relevant that Roupenian once taught tutorials entitled “How to Write About Africa” and “The New Global Novel.” Engaging more fully with those questions would be a worthwhile direction for her fiction: a zone still ethically daring but requiring more circumspection, and more craft. Such work might not have the same self-evident market-value as Roupenian’s upcoming HBO series, but sometimes, as she knows only too well, readers might need to be told what they want.

¤

Colton Valentine (Harvard ’16, ENS ’18) is an Ertegun Scholar in Oxford’s Faculty of English.

The post But Are You Sure?: On Kristen Roupenian’s “You Know You Want This: ‘Cat Person’ and Other Stories” appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

from Los Angeles Review of Books https://ift.tt/2JIDRX0